But I don’t know how to stop this charade, how to heal, or how to make him understand. He would never hurt me, and I don’t want to hurt him. I thought if I could be the person I was supposed to be, I would make myself okay. We were told we were too young to marry, but despite my own misgivings, I married to prove everyone wrong. I don’t blame him for my discontent (entirely). He says if I just try harder, he knows I can get better. He knows all my scars, but as a Christian he doesn’t understand mental illness at all. But I am not really that person, and the longer we’re married the more trapped and broken I feel about burying the real me, the messed up person I already described. He doesn’t realize he does this unless I tell him, and I’ve stopped bothering to tell him after so many years. I’m expected to be a certain way, so I am. He means well and he loves me but he suffers from the faults of most young men in our religion: the head of household syndrome. He is, for most intents and purposes, a good man. I converted to fundamental Christianity and married the man. Then I met a man who told me God would love me anyway. I was raised to think I was a filthy person and God would only love me if I behaved. I’m vain, self-absorbed, depressed, angry, self-loathing, and lonely. I have an addictive personality, flirt with anorexia, OCD, and I don’t know what it’s like to live without the flush of adrenaline in my body from chronic stress. I bear the scars of much emotional abuse, some physical abuse, and one sexual assault. I’m terrified that leaving my husband will mean I finally have no excuse for why I’m not living the bold, experience-rich life I’ve always dreamed of. Sugar, I’ve always played it safe: I picked the safe major, accepted the safe job, went ahead with the wedding. I want to leave but I’m also terrified of hurting my husband, who has been so good to me and who I consider my best friend. These are all things I was giving up when I said, “I do.” But it’s only hitting me now. I want to apply for the Peace Corps, live all over the country, teach English in Japan, and yes, date other people. There are so many experiences I fear I’ll miss out on by staying married to someone older. Throughout the wedding planning process I had second thoughts about settling down so young, but I didn’t want to hurt or embarrass him by calling off the wedding. He’s only the second person I’ve been in a serious relationship with.
#THE RUMPUS DEAR SUGAR MOVIE#
His wedding proposal was terribly romantic, like something out of a movie starring Audrey Hepburn. I’m a twenty-six-year-old woman who has been married for nine months. Lewis Conscience Conscious Love Courage Death Differentiation Emotional Maturity Gratitude Immature Love Intimacy Intimate Relationships Love Love is a Choice Love is a Commitment Love is a Decision Love is Not a Feeling M.This week Sugar is offering her advice in a response to five letters. Fixed-Mindset versus Growth-Mindset: What Mindset Do You Actually Have? Which Mindset Are You Encouraging and Reinforcing in Your Children?Ĭ.S.In the Gap Between Stimulus and Response is Where Real Love Occurs.The Spiritual Quest… on “What Love Is” – b… Practical Sexual Phi… on What Does “I Love You…ĭeepa mishra on Love Means Opening Yourself… Martin Luther King J… on Love & Conscience: Some of… Real Love Is a Choic… on Love, the Feeling, versus Love… Reading Aurora Leigh… on Only He Who Takes Off His Shoe… Real Love Is a Choic… on Why Real Love Is So Difficult…ĭave Rubin asks his… on C. Recent Comments (some of my comments here are like posts in themselves).The Critical Thinking and Examined Life Blog.The Critical Thinking & Examined Life Blog.
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